Meaningless Dialogue Almost too Expansive for the Meaningless Images that Surround It

1/14/09

What I hate most about Jack Elrod's style is the progression of time within the context of his medium. Let's face it, everyone's actions over the last week are justified. Patty should have left after Mark returned, and Cherry and Mark should seek out Patty after finishing up breakfast. Nobody's being impolite, overbearing, or unreasonable. All I'm wondering is why we have to be present for all of these fucking scraps of minutae. Three small panels at a time.

We didn't need to watch the Trails saddle up the horses for their woodsy ride. Do we need to see Doc holding up plate after plate of breakfast items? Do we need the constant references to Cherry's revolting haircut? We get it -- Mark's hair would look identical if he grew it out. Get a fucking story going here, dammit. I'm running out of things to make fun of.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

1/13/09

Of the many horrible questions that come to mind, Elrod, one stands above the rest: did you honestly think transitioning from the senseless destruction of a week-long storyline to DOC'S HEAPING PLATE OF DELECTABLE FLAPJACKS would assuage our frustration? If there's one shard of hope to be found among the ruins, it's that the plot couldn't possibly be stretched any further. You can't water down water.

Those half-assed skin-toned highlights may not be real, but Cherry's concern for a friend's secret animal problem is. With any luck, she'll press Patty for answers after breakfast. Those griddlecakes aren't going to last forever. Even if this saga will. God dammit.

NLR Holiday Wrap-Up: Mark Kicks a Guy in the Head Really Hard

12/29/08

Mark has somehow applied the perfect amount of force so as to disable his opponent without fracturing his skull or leaving him otherwise permanently impaired. The dude's shirt isn't even untucked. Judging by that look of twisted pleasure on Mark's face in panel one, however, that won't be the case for much longer. Not after he takes down Beard-o's compadres, anyway. Shit might get pretty weird at that point. Andy seems to approve.

Those henchmen seemed so optimistic last week. What happened? Now that the first major holiday of the season is behind us, a synopsis is in order. Let me take you back:

When we left, Pop had grown hopelessly exhausted from standing next to his swamp tractor and was reduced to leaning awkwardly on Sue. Little has changed in that department...

Fortunately for Sue, Mark stumbled upon this pathetic search party after misidentifying Pop's tractor, a theme that has become all too common in this saga...

Mark sums up his kidnappers' motivations with the spare eloquence and unfounded egotism befitting his profession...

A thug's prayer for a no-surprises encounter with Mark goes unanswered....

And Jack Elrod had no idea where Mark Trail was the entire time.

Startled Squirrel--Surprised?

That look of trembling awe in the first panel is not undeserved: Mark and Sam Sam Sam Sam have broken out a ringer late in the game, and its name is Unspecified Background Flora. UBF's efficient wrangling has put a quick end to this full-clothes rectal examination of an investigation, leaving the duo one step closer to the truth.

That would not stop Jack Elrod, however, from only taking the strip a half step closer, to that awkward, unremarkable point in time where Mark and Sam, sweating profusely from the lower armpits and breasts, respectively, burst in on Regional Airport Manager clad in a flannel one-sy. The cornerstone of a profound country was laid on this day 231 years ago, and Mark lets his bicep answer a softball question with boundless, belt-groping enthusiasm.

The eyes are the clear front-runner in Sammy Sam Sam explosionwatch 2007.

Variations on a Theme: Mark and Sam Wander in Circles

Mark finally returns to the airport's service roads to flush out the bird-sprinklers with a healthy Sam, who is bursting at the chin for revenge. Full-time followers of this birdstrike chronicle may be experiencing a profound sense of deja vu, and with good reason...

5/28/07



...the episode is nearly identical to this pre-birdstrike strip where Mark drives Sam off a cliff in his boxy car.

The differences between the strips are sullen reminders of the shit that has transpired since that carefree day in late May. Mark has opted for more headroom in his new ride to support Sam's expanded dialogue bubbles and swollen features, and the commissioners' sentry Startled Squirrel has been replaced with disinterested crony Wide-Eyed Weasel. It will be difficult for the duo to take advantage of the substitution, as Mark has dropped a couple of rungs on the evolutionary ladder by panel three.

Shooting Down the Walls of 'Tardache (Bang Bang), Sam Is the Warrior

The commissioners' may want to push back those money-tasting plans, as the only character capable of dragging Mark out of his sexestential k-hole is back, and if the failure of her buttons to reach her collar is any indication, Sam won't rest (or change shirts) until this mystery is solved.


Whatever Mark was actually "working on"has been intentionally censored by the cartoonist's signature. All Jack Elrod is trying to conceal here is his own ignorance, as he has no idea what type of equipment journalists use in their trade.

Sam's looking good today, but beauty is fleeting in the world of her nebulous aesthetic. Consider this assortment of different looks for the Airport Biologist, categorized by what she ate for breakfast that morning:

BBQ Fritos, somewhat sparingly



Marshmallow paste tucked under her bottom lip like a wad of Copenhagen


Hot cakes. Lots of hot cakes.

Double A batteries.

I hope all five of you out there reading this have a great weekend. Stay tuned for the Week In Review tomorrow.